JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
