Please, let me fuck your mom
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
