I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
