Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
