I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
