you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
operation harelip BJ is a go
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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