i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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