I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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