we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
