I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
