we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
