No awkward lesbian experiences without me
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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