I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
