So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
