So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I can text with my tongue
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
