He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
