what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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