you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
