Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
