Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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