i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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