Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
