The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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