Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
