They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
