the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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