So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
