we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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