I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
