love makes seman taste better
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
