and you said cock pushups were impossible
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
