Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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