I don't think brook has ever known best
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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