I seem to have left my pride at pride
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
