Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
