You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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