He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
