Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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