i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
