Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
