life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
