3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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