Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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