I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
