You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Can I color on your dick again?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
