I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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