It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
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