i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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