my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
