Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
