There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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