I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
If I die, sorry about rent.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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