oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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